You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You

So . . . since I've started writing this blog I have, on a few occasions, been accused of writing it with certain people in mind (I haven't). A few friends and family members have asked if my comments or central point was directed right at them (it wasn't). In fact, this is probably the first time in my blog where I am referring to some people in particular (but definitely not you, so don't get paranoid).

Today's post is kind of a follow-up to yesterday's entry, which dealt with our need to come to half-assed conclusions about the causes of events or the motivations of others. I'd like to expand the topic by talking about how ego fits into all of this.

When we make attributions for actions, we are subject to what is called the egocentric bias; if the event is positive (we won the game!), we attribute the success to ourselves (because I'm awesome!). If the event is negative (we lost the game) we tend to attribute the failure to others (because the other team cheated and the refs were biased). Watch any sporting event on a local station and you'll see this in spades: the announcers will treat any favorable outcome as the result of the home team's incredible god-like talent, and any negative event as bad luck or an error on someone else's part.

But there is also another manifestation of the egocentric bias. We also tend to believe that we are at the centre of everyone's universe. So if we get cut off in traffic, the other driver wanted to cut us off specifically (ignoring the fact that in all likelihood the other driver either didn't notice us or give us a millisecond's thought). If a teenage girl goes to a Justin Bieber concert, naturally he made eye contact with her in particula and will go to sleep dreaming of her. And, from my own life, when my wife goes out and leaves me with the baby, the baby chooses to take that opportunity to wake, cry, and prevent me from writing this blog.

Several years back there was a research study in which university students were tasked with buying condoms. These condoms were to be purchased from a machine in a seldom-used bathroom down a seldom-used hallway. Even so (and despite the fact that precautions were taken to make sure the purchaser was alone), participants in the study reported that they were watched (or scrutinized) by others (there were no others!). Try it out - go to your local bookstore and browse the how-to sex books or the erotica section, and try to feel like you're not being watched by others. But the reality is that you're probably not.

Why? Because other people don't care about you. They're far to consumed with feeling like they themselves are the centre of the universe. Think about it. When you go to the bookstore, do you pay attention to what strangers are looking at (well, maybe if an attractive stranger is browsing the erotica section . . .). No - you're looking for your books, cool books, books that will impress all those people who really aren't paying attention to you.

The next time you feel like the victim of a slight or an insult, really make sure it's intended, because it may not be. It isn't necessary malice, just lack of consideration in its most literal sense. Remember also that the Carly Simon song I use in the title of the post was believed by several famous men (Mick Jagger, Warren Beatty, James Taylor) to be about them (despite two of them singing backup on the song), when in fact is was about none of them (Simon recently admitted that it was about David Geffen).

And that's right, this blog was directed at you. No, not you, you there.