Canada Day Prime Ministerial Factravaganza

So . . . it’s Canada Day today, the anniversary of when we (kind of) threw off the yoke of the empire and (sort of) established our independence from England (though the Queen is still technically our head of state). How very Canadian of us. In honour of Canada’s 143rd birthday (has it been that long? It seems like only yesterday Canada was 117) I have compiled some interesting and lesser-known facts about our 22 Prime Ministers.

John A. MacDonald: Big drunkard. Met his wife (and first cousin) on a trip to London paid for by winnings at a card game called “Loo.” He’s the guy on the $10 bill. Because of a physical resemblance, he was mistaken for Benjamin Disraeli’s ghost at the British P.M.’s funeral.

Alexander Mackenzie: A stonemason, and some of his buildings still stand today. Anti-drinking. Oversaw the building of the Parliament, and included an escape staircase so he could avoid constituents.

John Abbott: Great-grandfather of Christopher Plummer. Signed a manifesto calling for Canada to join the U.S. (before he was PM). Famous for saying “I hate politics.”

John Thompson: Not the same guy as the Georgetown basketball coach. Originally declined the post of Prime Minister because he was Catholic, and anti-Catholic prejudice was strong enough to make his ascendance unrealistic. 5’7”, 225 pounds.

Mackenzie Bowell: I always thought he should have had a movement named after him. Was undone by his own cabinet, members of which set up his political demise. He called them a “nest of traitors.”

Charles Tupper: Didn’t invent the ware. Oldest person to become PM, at 74, and only held the post for 68 days, shortest on record. Which is ironic, because he was the longest-lived PM (94 years).

Wilfrid Laurier: He’s the dude on the $5 bill who looks like Leonard Nimoy when you draw in a Spock hairdo. Once when in Saskatoon on official PM business, he tried to have a conversation with a young John Diefenbaker (later a PM himself, at that time a newsboy) and was dismissed by the kid, who said he had work to do.

Robert Borden: PM during WWI. Once ran on the campaign slogan “A White Canada” (yes, that’s what he meant). Almost managed to get Canada to take over administration of the West Indies and Belize.

Arthur Meighen: Somewhat responsible for the Governor General having no power (via the King-Byng affair). Practiced debate by giving speeches to empty rooms.

William Lyon Mackenzie King: Crazy as a loon. Communed with spirits, such as his dead mother and several of his dead dogs (all named Pat, except the one named Bob), and asked them for political advice. His diaries hint that he enjoyed prostitutes. PM during WWII, he admired Hitler and initially thought he would win.

R.B. Bennett: A teetotaller, except when he secretly drank alcohol. An ardent anti-communist and free-market idealist, until he copied FDR’s New Deal. Despite being criticized for not caring about the poor, he gave away a lot of his personal fortune to the poor.

Louis St. Laurent: Nicknamed Uncle Louis during the 1949 election campaign. Was coerced into politics at the age of 60. First PM to live at the official residence at 24 Sussex Drive, Ottawa.

John Diefenbaker: Crazy eyes. Hated JFK, who called him a boring son of a bitch. Sent home from the army after being hit in the head with a shovel, though it was suspected that the injury was psychosomatic. Tried to get elected to parliament for 16 years before succeeding in 1940.

Lester B. Pearson: Nobel Peace Prize winner who was held midair and threatened by LBJ after he metaphorically “pissed on his rug.” Semi-pro baseball player.

Pierre Trudeau: Wrote a dissertation on communism and Christianity. Decriminalized gay sex. Hung out with John and Yoko, and was friends with Castro. His wife slept around and hung out at Studio 54. Said “fuddle-duddle” when he meant something harsher that starts with F and ends with “off”.

Joe Clark: Failed out of law school. Had his luggage lost on an official state visit to the Middle East – on the same trip, he accidentally bumped into the wrong end of a bayonet. Youngest PM ever (40 at the time of swearing-in) but only lasted 9 months.

John Turner: Qualified for the 1948 Olympic team in the 100 meters. Saved the life of John Diefenbaker in Barbados.

Brian Mulroney: Most successful Conservative PM ever, but now widely hated. Big chin. Sang for tips in his early years. Possibly corrupt. Though conservative, he opposed capital punishment and was pro-choice, and also introduced new taxes.

Kim Campbell: Never presided over a sitting parliament, because of the timing of her leadership. Only PM to pose naked in a widely-circulated photo (to my knowledge).

Jean Chretien: Paralyzed at an early age by Bell’s palsy. Possibly corrupt. Shoved a protester.

Paul Martin: Shipbuilder and son of a politician. Mr. Dithers. Possibly corrupt.

Stephen Harper: Had a 95.7% high school grade average and was on Reach For the Top. Played the piano and sang a Beatles song in front of an audience. Is the first PM to employ a personal stylist. On a related note, he rocks the vest and hat.

Hope you enjoyed this and have a happy Canada Day!